Social Media Profile Pictures: The Meaning Behind Them

Picking your profile picture for a social networking website like Facebook, MySpace, or Twitter can sometimes be a difficult task because it can often times tell a lot about the type of person you are. Over the past few years, being a member of these sites, I have started to notice a lot about the types of pictures people use. The staple profile picture is definitely a cropped picture of yourself from another picture that you think you look decent in. You can’t go wrong with that type of picture because you’re just showing your “natural” you. You also get the other staple pictures like the…

The “Classic Webcam” Profile Picture

The “I’m Super Artsy” Profile Picture

The “Take a Picture in the Mirror” Profile Picture

The “I Went Somewhere Cool” Profile Picture

The “I Don’t Have Much of a Life so I Scanned My High School Picture” Profile Picture

I have no problem with any of those types of profile pictures because there is not much to them and no hidden agenda behind them. However, I have started to notice some peculiar trends in some people’s pictures that should raise red flags to everyone. I feel as if it is my duty to let these people know that they are not fooling anyone, and if they are I must uncover the truth. If you are one of these people that post these types of profile pictures, please let me explain…

The “Hey Look At My Boobs” Profile Picture
Boobies, fun bags, knockers, jugs, hooters, melons, rack, tatas, chi chis, breasteses, tig ol bitties… or whatever else you want to call them, some girls are constantly trying to show them off in their profiles, but acting like “its not their intention” to do so. Take these examples…

1) What she wants us to think: Hey I just so happen to have this cute picture of me tying my shoes.
What we are thinking: You found the lowest cut shirt you had, adjusted the twins so they’re just about to fall out, pulled out the digital camera, and put the self timer on to take this picture.

2) What she wants us to think: Just extending my arm and taking a picture of myself!
What we are thinking: We know you took this pic 5-6 times to get that perfect cleavage angle!

3) What she wants us to think: I’m God’s gift to men and I’m just putting on some lip gloss.
What we are thinking: Yeah okay you are decent looking and do have some boobs, but we all know that you definitely have an STD… or 2… or 8.

The bottom line: All in all, no matter how much we may knock you for this type of pic, you’re gonna end up with 1000x more friends / followers than the rest of us.

The “I’m Tough” Profile Picture
Guys are little bit more upfront about showing off their assets than the girls. They get right to the point like these guys…

1) What he is thinking: Me’s gots some nice abs, I’s got to show these babies off.
What we are thinking: Hey nice abs………. douche bag.

2) What he is thinking: I’m ripped and all the tweenies will think I’m hot.
What we are thinking: Must call “Dateline: To Catch a Predator” ASAP

3) What he is thinking: I’ve got some big guns.
What we are thinking: Too bad its not muscle.

The bottom line: Any guy that blatantly is trying to show off his goods is only going to make girls think you’re a bigger toolbox than you already are.

The “Cartoon” Profile Picture
In this type of profile the person simply posts a picture of something like Homer Simpson, a character from South Park, Felix the Cat, etc.

What they want us to think: The Simpsons are my favorite! I’m fun and like cartoons!
What it really means: You look like Sloth from The Goonies.

The bottom line: Everybody is born with their own physical uniqueness, so accept who you are and post your “real” picture. (After you take some Photoshop classes)

The “Couple” Profile Picture
Awwww, what a cute couple… These types of pictures are of the person and their significant other. However, there can be a few reasons why the person chose to put this picture up. That’s why at a first glance, in a few select cases, you cannot hate people that choose to go this route in their picture choice (i.e. note #1 and #2). On the otherhand, sometimes toolbags try to get through the cracks. For example…

1) Girl - I love my boyfriend, he is so fun and funny!!! I want all my friends to know how lucky I am. *However, in reality all her friends despise and hate her that she has somebody and they don’t.
2) Guy - My girlfriend is a psycho bitch, logged into my account and put this picture up. A couple days later, I changed my picture and she totally flipped out saying I don’t want other girls to know I’m taken. After all said and done, I keep this picture up to make the world a more peaceful place.
3) Guy – HOLY CRAP, I have a girlfriend! We’ve only been dating for 3 days and I think I love her. Her boobs are totally touching my chest. I need to let the world know!
4) Guy – I’ve never talked to a girl in my life until I asked this girl, that is way out of league, to take a picture with me so now I need to post it so people think this is my hot girlfriend! (However please note , I think this guy failed to realize that this “girl” could quite possibly be a man. You can kind of tell by the masculine facial structure…. and oh yeah the BULGE in “it’s” pants.)

The bottom line: Unless you’re married, not need to post a couple’s pic.

The “Check Me Out, I’m Drinking ALCOHOL” Profile Picture
Predominantly used by freshman, the people in these pictures want to make it known that they’re “cool” now because they drink alcohol…

1) What he wants us to think: Look I’m totally chugging 2 bottles of beer, I’m like totally crazy now!
What we are thinking: Wow, you’re cool… Ball 4.
2) What she wants us to think: I’m not that dorky band nerd that you guys knew in high school. I drank 3 beers and got totally wasted at this party.
What we are thinking: Wow, you’re still not cool. Ball 4.
3) What he wants us to think: Hey look at me, I know how to have a good time.
What we are thinking: We know you just got done playing computer games for 14 hours, found this red cup, and took a picture of yourself so people don’t think you’re as lame as you really are. Oh yeah… Ball 4.

The bottom line: Unless you’re an alcoholic (in which case you would naturally have alcohol in your hand), stay away from posting these pics.

The “I’m a Gangsta” Profile Picture
Deep down in all of our hearts, we’d all love to be gangsta, but the bottom line is, if you don’t have a minimum of 15 tattoos, 2 gold teeth, 10 pounds of cocaine in the trunk of your stolen car, and the name on your birth certificate reads “Slim Thug”… you’re not a gangsta. So why do people always try to play it off like they’re gangsta in their profile pictures? Flashing fingers, by no means, means people will think you’re gangsta. Here is why these people would miserably fail Gangsta 101 class…

1) Scrawny, white boys wearing an American Eagle polo is far from gangsta.
2) Guys wearing their girlfriends Dolce and Gabana sunglasses aren’t gangsta.
3) Check out the video below. Enough said… .

The “I’m the Ugly Friend so I Put Up a Picture of My Group of Friends and Me So That You Don’t Know Which One I Am and Hopefully Mistaken Me for One of My Hot Friends and Will Want to Talk to Me” Profile Picture.

Enough said.

The bottom line: Reference the “Cartoon” Profile Picture’s bottom line.

Please comment with any other observations on the types of profile pictures you have been noticing…